Tag Archives: Life

Alchemy of Life

What I have to offer to the world is only worthy and valuable if I step in and offer it. Worrying about if it’s truly of value or if there will be anyone else to value it, doesn’t help the world if it becomes an obstacle.

Stones that Heal

I can make a place for myself in the world, or I can remain in the shadow of another. Happiness, for me, is in the making.

Green TreeLined Path

The only thing standing between me and what I want is me.

Most of the time, I love who I am, but I also realize that the bane of my existence – is just me.

Strength 2

It is often said that we cannot sacrifice the many for the one. When we sacrifice the one, we sacrifice the many. There is no such thing as the one.

Chakra Stones

Best Kept Secret EVER to a Balanced Life

Orchid in Zen Garden

The best kept secret to living a more balanced life:

is not synching your bluetooth

is not managing your work schedule and/or your home schedule

is not hiring a nanny

buying a new iPhone

or learning to do anything faster

it’s not squeezing in “one more thing” before you leave the house.

Those are better suited for keeping your life out of balance.

So what is the best kept secret for a life in balance?


It’s not as difficult as you might think and it’s not as easy as it’s going to sound.

Come back tomorrow for more.

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Awareness of Exquisite Awareness of Awareness of Nothing

Drum Kit Empty But for Potential

Yesterday was a momentous day – did you not feel it? Did the ground beneath you not vibrate even the tiniest?

Did the air not make it easier for you to breath – even if just for a split second?

I am in afterglow.

Until this morning I had not found the words. This morning I read a Facebook post by my friend, Black belt sister, visionary life poet and vocalist extraordinaire Beth Noelle (did I overdo it a bit? GOOD!). Beth shared Nothing’s Gonna Change Your World, the blog post by Riikka Rajamaki and published by http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/03/29/nothings-gonna-change-your-world/

and the rains came and the words poured forth – even before I had finished reading.

Purpose has little to do with society. I’ve been searching for this statement.

I have spent recent time wanting something so badly I could throw up. Wanting something so badly, I was ready to lose myself again. The greatest gift was that I didn’t get it. What I got was exquisite awareness.

After a lifetime of blurred identity; of keeping up. After a lifetime of flinching whenever speaking my own name.

When I let go of the ‘shoulds’, when I agreed to no longer agree. When I stepped into another level of the ‘walk’. When I chose to no longer puppet for someone else’s demons (I’ve plenty of my own, thank you very much!). When I let my eyes close and breath leave me.

Only when I could see nothing in front of me, was there something to see.

Only when I let my self do what, at least for now, I’m here to do was there something to do.

Yesterday I completed creation on The Alchemy of Awareness (The Gift of Intimacy) – Body Awareness.

I completed it just before I sent it out in it’s Week 5 installment to the 13 fearless and generous souls who not only agreed to this trial, but paid me for it!!

While I hope it was brilliant and life-changing, I will not be disappointed if it is not. It is here and here it can blossom. I have come to the realization, without arrogance or defensiveness, that what I shared could not have been received through a degree. The highest caliber schools would have set me on a different path where there is no nothing and the volume is up too high. This I had to come to on my own. This is the value of life.

Lofty, grand words aren’t they? No. They are basic – life in it’s simplest terms. That is what my work is about. Base? Animal? Instinctive? Intelligent? Out of the realm of the cerebral? It is none of those. It is all of those.

For those of you who truly value life – this Bud’s for you. HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.

For those of you who want to explore life on a nothing level – this work is for you. If you haven’t got time – you missed the point.

This is the BE-ing.

No trying. No striving. No DO-ing.

If you want something, go get it – by not. Do the preparation with the intention of expansion. While you prep for this, at what you arrive may look different.

What you need will never be yours until you don’t need it anymore.

Nothing, indeed, is going to change my life.

Thank you, Beth.


When I’m the Dark. Letting the Light In.

Dark Background

I find that there are few experiences more daunting (my word of the week), more frustrating and more liberating than realizing that I am the only one who can stop me from doing what I’m here to do.

I am the dark keeping the lid on the box.

I am the dark denying the light.

I am the dark behind eyelids I refuse to open.

I have the awareness and the ability to see through the Matrix and action will ensure that I will never be stuck in this place in quite this way ever again. Right now what stands between where I am right now and where I want to be is habit.

What stands between where I am and where I want to be is my Matrix – the file that automatically opens when I open my eyes every morning. My Matrix is my default. It isn’t the truth. It isn’t real.

My Matrix is a culmination of what people who mattered to me have told me over the years. It is what has come out of my processing of that information. Mostly old stuff that is nearly impossible to separate; a skin, while not mine has been covering me for so long that I am numb to it’s extra presence.

It is only mine if I accept and agree. Only if I agree to remain in the dark; to keep the dark around me like a blanket.

So I don’t agree, I rebel. No problem. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”

My devil. My Matrix. My blanket, worn and familiar. The dark that prevents me from seeing through to what is on the other side of my habitual way of seeing myself.

To be clear, this is not my dark side. I’m well-acquainted with my dark side. She’s tough and outspoken with a penchant for scathing sarcasm and breaking door frames. I have come to accept and respect her. With acceptance and respect she becomes the courage to speak my heart; to be honest and open. She gives me the wherewithal to endure loss, insult, proactive lack of support and the stomach-dropping sensation of stepping off the cliff into an unknown.

This dark is not a balance of the light. It is an obstacle. It stands in the way of the light. For me, it is not affirmations that pop little holes in the blanket. It is a two-part process: Doing then Being. Every step forward that is not pulled by the past. Every follow through – no matter how small. Even if that practically invisible follow through is only for myself. It is enough to thin the fabric; to scratch the Matrix thinner. What finally allows a sliver of light is Being. In Being I acknowledge my accomplishment, and spend the time it takes for it to be written in permanent marker. When the light begins to shine through, it is sensations of appreciation and gratitude that I am gifted in Being.

Without the moment of basking; of acknowledging I move through my life without full awareness of what I am capable of. Something like taking a test at school to go from one grade into the next, but not looking at the results.

Appreciation and gratitude, for me, are swells of emotion and sensation; of softening that allow for expansion.                    A softening; yielding for growth and increase – not of pride but of love.

Without the acknowledgment and the love every accomplishment will be hollow. I will never be satisfied. I will never have enough. I will never be enough. This is where I have been. Restless. Unfulfilled. Holding myself prisoner. Chained to under-accomplishment. Tethered to disappointment.

Letting the light in is uncomfortable. For me. Like wearing clothes that are too small. And what’s with the guilt?

By letting the light in I’m flying in the face of how some who mattered to me defined me. I’m saying that they were wrong. I’m saying that my opinion of myself is more important then theirs. Who am I to be defiant – for myself? Not a little convoluted.

Like any behavior that is breaking habits in order to create significant change, this requires moment to moment attention. Awareness. Not reminders of how wonderful I am. Reminders that not taking action every day – procrastination (my “substance” of choice)- provides thread with which to reinforce the blanket.

If procrastination is the poison, awareness is the antidote.

Awareness sends up flags that it’s time to re-commit. Not only to remember to replace habitual thoughts and behavior.

The commitment – to myself and the gift that is my life.                                                                                                                 A commitment that will ripple out to my children and the world around me.

Commitment fueled by rebellion.

And love for life.

What else is there, but life?

And the only one I have is mine.

Here comes the sun

Sun Rising out of Pink Ocean