Tag Archives: Awareness

That Secret, Part 2 of a 2-Parter

Yin Yang B 5 Sun Moon

What’s the Best Kept Secret to a Balanced Life?

Part 1: Movement.

The thing about moving is that you have to keep doing it to be able to keep doing it. Do you still do the things you did when you were 12? Why not? Because you’re older? Aging is not a pathology, but we’ve made it into one.

When I say ‘movement’, I’m not talking about a walk around the block while you hold a conversation so you don’t have to think about what you’re doing. I’m also not talking about creating movement at so high a level that all you can think about is not dropping to the floor in exhaustion.

My dad is 87 and moves like he’s 30. It’s no accident but he didn’t fully realize the value of what he has been consciously doing throughout most of his life. I have a friend who is close to 90 and she gets up and down from the floor all the time with as much (or more ease) than her children!

So what does that mean?

It means cultivating a fully connected relationship with your body. A relationship the likes of which you may not have had before. And here’s where the second part comes in: Awareness.

Part 2: Awareness – paying attention.

When I suggest ‘cultivating a fully connected relationship with your body,” I’m not talking about a relationship in which you relate to your body through your thoughts and ideas about your body. I’m talking about a relationship with your body through your body.

This means flat out paying attention all the time. This means being present to yourself as body and others all the time.

Being Present means that you bring all of you every time. It is a practice.

Being Present is a way of taking care of yourself and only when you are taking care of yourself can you truly take care of others or your obligations.

Not taking care of yourself or sacrificing your well-being “for others” is not noble, interesting, attractive, medal-worthy or brave. It’s self-defeating, demoralizing, manipulative and it hurts everyone around you. I know this from doing it and experiencing others do it. Being Present allows you to care for yourself in any relationship and still be there for others.

What is the most efficient way to learn to Be Present? This one is easy.

Movement.

Go ahead, try it.

Why? Movement causes Sensation and we are never more present than in Sensation.

Any Movement?

Any Movement that does not cause pain and harm. That defeats the purpose. Technically that can almost be a ‘yes’ answer. Without opening it up to movements such as hitting yourself in the head with a hammer, the idea is that whatever movement you choose can be done without causing pain and harm. Make sense?

We are never more in-the-moment then when we are moving in relationship with everything around us; moving as connected BE-ings. That excludes texting while walking or reading while eating or eating while watching tv. Most of us do it, it just doesn’t count as moving as connected BE-ings. It is moving while we are paying attention to ourselves moving.

It is moving while we are paying attention to ourselves moving.

Encourage and develop our ability to move with increased sensitivity.

 Move as a connected part of the space and in relationship with every object,  not as a separate body moving through space and around objects.

Rather than moving ourselves as though we are individual objects moving through space, we move as part of the space.

Movement brings us into deeper relationship with our world. It is not the world “around” us, it is the world within us and we are within it.

If you really want to make positive changes in your life, this the secret.

Easier than it may sound, and more difficult than you might think.

It is moving while we are paying attention to ourselves moving. And feeling. And thinking. And creating. And…

Why is Movement, Awareness, BE-ing Present, paying attention, and cultivating a deeply feeling relationship with your body important?

How does it create Balance?

Tomorrow is another day…

Awareness of Living: The Fs and the Big P

Wings Black Large by blangtv

Juicy f-words.

As I go through my life, creating, writing and developing ideas willy nilly, I was reminded by today’s Daily OM of a word I have come to accept – failure.

If we accept society’s narrow definition and use of the the words, “success” and “failure” we have one chance in every endeavor we attempt to be happy. If things don’t go the way we planned then it’s a failure. End of story, right?

Consciously I have redefined “success” for myself. Like my Body’s Way of moving, success is specific to what I want out of life. Interestingly, by redefining of “success” I didn’t alter my definition of “failure” at all. My definition of “failure” has evolved on it’s own.

Discomfort and Failure are signs of growth. If I’m not uncomfortable I’m probably not learning anything. If I haven’t failed, I certainly haven’t learned anything. From all the Ds and Fs I got in school until college, I should know everything!

Failure, Fear and Fight-or-Flight – my amygdala (the primal, instinctive part of the brain that kicks in when we’re “threatened”) couldn’t tell the difference for far too long.

During my movement practice out in the sumptuous spring morning, I found myself devoid of inspiration. Spine-pulsing, pleasure-sparking, joy-eliciting music and I found myself wandering aimlessly around my deck. At the time I thought to myself “mmm, ok, I’m not responding to the music the way I think I should, so just listen. Be with the music. Be in the music. Be part of the music.”

In retrospect (gotta love hindsight), I know now that I was running on a low hum of adrenaline. As much as I enjoyed dancing outside, I couldn’t truly be in the experience – I was uncomfortable and not comfortable with being uncomfortable. Snowball building…

Dancing with fear and failure is a release for me. I’ve stopped attempting to chase the fear away. Instead I invite fear to tell me its story. What brought it to me this time? Is its presence a new story or an old one? Is the story true? The most important aspect of this experience is not the process but the understanding that in being with fear I am no longer present. I have allowed myself to leave my body and get distracted by stories of the future created by my mind.

In terms of choreography I got nothin’ so that could be considered a failure. I didn’t get anything I can use for movement patterns by doing. In the being, I received information about myself and what I’m doing to develop choreography. Doing, doing and doing more doesn’t ever guarantee cool, fresh movement patterns. As often as not, it is while I’m just sitting and listening to the music that will bring something new. Being. Not a finished product, but honest inspiration.

Awareness gives me wings.

Fear is only a creation of my mind pulling my presence out from under me. Failure no longer troubles me. With its new definition as ‘an indication that it is time to stop DO-ing and BE’. It’s coming in through the back door. With this fresh awareness, why not begin my personal movement practice – or any movement practice with BE-ing?!

Wings, baby!

Photo from banglatv.ca

Awareness of Pain: Armor-What I Don’t Show You

Heart PeopleHeart HumanHeart One Love

I am always amazed by the people who really see me as well as occasionally saddened by those who don’t.

Fortunately, my dear friend Teri and my children do. There are also those out there with whom I have shared an intensive or little more than blog posts who also see.

I came to an understanding this morning that there are those who won’t. To see past what I show is too uncomfortable.

What I show most often is passion, sensuality, frustration and anger with delight and compassion thrown in for good measure. What I will rarely agree to show you is pain. If you’re looking, as my friend shared with me yesterday, you will see it lurking behind the anger. What she understands better than possibly anyone is why.

So after a heart-twisting conversation, I’ve been sitting with this pain. And it is fucking uncomfortable. For me it’s the internal, emotional version of a “crick” in my neck and no matter how I hold my head I am to turn the volume down or get comfortable.

We opened a box yesterday and I would like to close it and be acceptably functional. I won’t. So I’m sitting here in my beautiful, beautiful family room, no tv on, windows open and soft waves of sound coming in from traffic and birds. It’s perfectly gorgeous  out and I’m sitting here rummaging around in what feels like grief stew. It rolls through me and when it gets to the top it brings tears that I am allowing despite an angry desire to refuse them liberation. I’m angry that I still have tears. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of unresolved wounds and if you’ve ever been where I am you know that when I use the word “tired” it comes from sensation.

Anyone who has ever spent more than 5 minutes with me knows that I am expressive. I am emotionally accessible and I am aware of what I share. For all my awareness, and perhaps because of my degree of awareness I knew exactly where and how to hide the pain so that I wouldn’t have to look at it too often.

Unresolved pain builds armor.

I am well-armored and until last night I wasn’t willing to see why. I “couldn’t” understand why I’ve been doing all this work over the years and I can’t seem to release this armor. This armor and I are great friends – as was spoken in one of J.R.R. Tolkien’s work, “great and terrible” friends. We’re so close that it arrives automatically. I have become aware of it’s comings and goings, and  I can release it once it’s here. I sense its arrival but I have yet given myself the freedom to prevent it from arriving. Now that I am willing to be in the origins of the armor, I can become more and more attuned to it’s arrival and be able to choose when and if I want it at all.

Learning to live in a place in which I am not wallowing in pain and building armor. Nor am I pushing it down with excuses – “she/he didn’t mean anything”, “I’m too sensitive”, “if I just stick it out, things will change.”

Trust. Vulnerability. Risk. Shedding my armor.

To live my purpose without apology, excuse, fear of exclusion or approval.

Awareness gives me wings.

Mother’s Day: Awareness of Self

Joe Rachel and Me 20082009

I receive wonderful gifts on Mother’s Day. Since my children have come into this world, what I receive on Mother’s Day has been beyond anything I ever imagined before their existence.

Mother’s Day is always lovely for me and I am grateful.

Without saying to you that every day is Mother’s Day for me, I will tell you that every day has been Mother’s Day since September 4, 1990 at 2 in the afternoon. Easy? No. Walton’s happy? Forget it, JohnBoy.

Richer, more satisfying, more frustrating, more heartbreaking, more heart lifting,

My children are the reason I am here, digging in and determined to do what I love – what I am uniquely qualified for.

I’m not doing it for them, I’m doing it because I’ve gotten the tools from raising them and them raising me. (Don’t judge my grammar!)

Raising them was another part of the awareness puzzle. Early on I decided I didn’t want my children to grow up in the unpredictable, shame-riddled, rage-filled household I did. To even come close to accomplishing this I had to be constantly aware of my emotions and vigilante enough to catch myself before launching into familiar conditioned responses.

My children taught me about baggage that doesn’t belong to me. I’m finally learning to integrate this into my life. My children taught me that is really is ok to make mistakes. I learned about family from my children. I learned not to whine – I wouldn’t accept whining from them so they don’t accept whining from me. It’s only fair!

I learned that sometimes my best just isn’t good enough. That can be incredibly uncomfortable, but if I truly have done my best, it is all I can do.

I learned that people have more potential than I can know by looking at them and at times even they don’t know what they’re capable of until called upon.

I learned that if I am open to hearing, seeing and feeling, I will find out who someone is.

I learned that no matter how much I want something or think I’m right – I may be right – but getting what I want or being validated may not be the work I need to do.

A lesson I learned when they were quite young, but didn’t carry it into the rest of my life until recently: situations and people are going to be what they are. If I want something different, I have to go somewhere different or I have to look in a different way.

And ofcourse I learned about all the crap we carry with us over the years. It’s with that awareness that my children know me. They know who I am, where I came from. They know that I respect them as human beings first. The know about the flaws. They’ve seen me fall down and get up again. They know that no matter what they do, I will love them more than I had any idea I could love anyone. They know that I will not manipulate them out a need for control. They know that I will let them fall down, because I know they can get up. I would love to  think, and tell you that I haven’t made any mistakes. I don’t believe that’s even possible.

I’ve taken them along on my journey, they’ve discovered as I’ve discovered. That’s not to say we all processed in the same way or at the same time. The 3 of us will receive as much as we can, in the time we can and will use it when we are ready.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Awareness: Deeper Personal Practice to Share… Moving to Think 2

Open in Red

Almost 2 months ago I let go of most of my Nia classes.

It was a decision I never really thought I’d make – even though I knew it needed to be made. I released a professional situation that was incongruent with my Spirit, Heart and Mind. I have no regrets.

With 1 class a week to teach, I have been feeding myself.

Over the course of the past 10 years, I’ve taken time away from teaching Nia before, during family trips and to heal. Without multiple classes to teach, I was keenly aware of my teaching skills declining. After a break I would return to my students feeling as though I’d just gotten up from a nap – groggy, slow and with a sense that I’d lost my overall timing.

Since March 13 I happily step into my one class as though I’ve been teaching all week!

What’s the difference?

Two things: Personal Movement Practice and Personal Awareness Practice.

I don’t practice “for class”. I practice for myself. Instead of practicing primarily to to share, my Practice is to embody on deeper and deeper levels. I am writing to suggest that this approach may be more effective than either separating the two Practices or leaning on a professional Practice to feed both Practices. Make sense?

There are a few variables involved here. The one variable I have not taken into account is learning a new routine. Up until now I have been combining my Nia Practice with a non-Nia movement Practice involving Nia routines with which I am familiar.

I am a happy Nia Practitioner. I am a better Nia teacher. I am a better Nia Practitioner. What I have been able to share with my students has been far more organic and spontaneous within the work. There has been an organic and spontaneous quality to my teaching but I feel it expanding and evolving as it must in order for me  to be a great teacher.

I am also more creative.

I also mentioned my Personal Awareness Practice.

As my first online course, Body Awareness launched, I was going through the course with those who had signed up. Either I was in the process that existed to discover ways to improve it or I was re-creating it. Either way, I created a rich awareness Practice for myself in addition to the movement Practice.

Some of the most remarkable life revelations have come since I “stopped” teaching Nia and began living it more deeply. Baby steps…

Emerging clarity. My life. My role in Nia. The role of Nia in my Life. My curiosity in regards to Nia in the World. Moving Forward.

Away from the Struggle. Away from Frustration and the Energy Drain.

Stepping into Peace. Pleasure and Genuine Fun.

Awareness of Body As Breath

Fairy Tail Etherion

My personal movement Practice this morning opened with laying around on the floor for about 35 minutes watching That 70s Show with my son as he got ready for classes. I love the floor and the silly show made me laugh.

What better way to open a movement practice than laying on the floor laughing organically?

What better way to start a day?!

I danced in the Nia routine Velvet. I didn’t dance with it. I didn’t dance to it. I danced in it. This, for me is a very specific sensation. I know this routine quite well. I’ve taught it a multitude of times. That let’s me be in two places at one time – alert for refinement and connected to my organic experience.

Something else came into play here. First, I’m teaching one class most weeks (2 twice a month). Second, it had been probably close to a year since the last time I shared Velvet with a class.

After Velvet, I turned on Filaw by Issa Bagayogo to play some more and to challenge my ability to let go of structure, technique and be fluid – liquid – in other words to dissolve my physical and emotional identity into movement. No longer “me” but movement. No longer “here is the movement that occurs in me”, “here is my style”. Not so much “mine”  as perhaps spirit. (My apologies for the hideous overuse of quotation marks!)

Lovely sensation of delight and of far less ego and attachment. Not my dance. The dance.

Kalamari Warriors by Bushmen of the Kalahari always creates body giggles and the more I let go of “mine”, the more interesting the body giggles.

Nxa, also by the Bushmen was next. It arrived unbidden; just what came next on the playlist. Not with a typical melody. Percussion with a wall of sound created by what sounds to me like an electronic didgeridoo. I connect easily to percussion, as we all do and these pieces are exciting to my body with the multiple layers of instruments, rhythms and tempos all in one piece. The challenge was to let go of the percussion. What I discovered was breath.

Refresher: Rhythm refers to the duration of a series of notes, and to the way they are organized into groups or units. Beat is the basic unit of measurement. It’s what we tend to tap to, though we may not all tap at the same speed. Tempo is the overall speed/pace of a piece of music. Melody is the predominant theme. Author, musician and scientist Daniel J. Levitin comments melody in This Is Your Brain On Music,  “A cognitive psychologist would say that a melody is an auditory object that maintains its identity in spite of transformations, just as a chair maintains its identity when you move it to the other side of the room, turn it upside down, or paint it red.” Levitin also defines Groove as the way in which beat divisions create a” strong momentum”. “Groove is that quality that moves the song forward, the musical equivalent to a book that you can’t put down. When a song has a good groove, it invites us into a sonic world that we don’t want to leave.”

I’ve always associated percussion with blood flow; heartbeat,  pumping through vessels – artery pulse versus venous pulse, circulation. Today percussion breathed. It became it’s own melody for this experience. As I let go of my body’s typical or habitual response to drumming and other percussion, my dance began to take on a different form, shape, rhythm and tempo. I was for a moment lost. My mental self began shooting thoughts, but they were familiar. My body moved and sometimes didn’t; found it’s way and then the “way” became elusive and collapsed into smoke.

To be lost is not a place from which we are rescued. To be lost is itself a moment of grace. A moment in which we are empty and in that moment we can choose with what we will fill ourselves. With the new, the fresh, the untested? Or the old, stale, familiar, “safety” of habit?

This consideration invited me into a moment of stillness to acknowledge my heartbeat as a downbeat and my breath as the melody. The rhythm and melody of my body.

Letting the Light In: The Alchemy of Awareness

Flame

Ok, so I created this online course series with the focus on awareness. A series of body, mind, heart and spirit meditations with movement at the heart of it all – to get us all to notice what’s going on with us.

To what end?

What’s the point?

What’s the payoff?

Improved quality of life.

How does increased awareness equate to a better quality of life.

Awareness turns the lights on.

What’s the first thing we do when we notice something – anything?

We make a choice.

“Oh, that doesn’t feel good.”

Choice 1: I’m going to do nothing.

Choice 2: I’m going to keep noticing it, maybe it will go away.

Choice 3: I’m going to tweak, adjust or change the way I [behave].

Choice 4: I’m going to pretend I didn’t get this information.

“Ohhhhh, I love that!”

Choice 1: I’m going to do that again.

Choice 2: I’m going to take action that insures my success at having that experience again.

Choice 3: I’m going to think about how great that experience was and hope that life drops it in front of me again.

The point here is that Choice is Power. We can chooooooooose to wield it or not to wield it but the fact still remains the same.

Awareness is Power.

Awareness gives us the opportunity to make choices – to engage with that power. Awareness gives us the opportunity to engage with this power that we might otherwise have never had. Opportunity we might not have had if we had not been practicing awareness.

What kind of power can you have?

What kind would you like?

Awareness delivers the opportunity to make choices. It’s choices that deliver results.

What’s the ‘catch’?

There are two:

1. You have to actually Practice.

2. There is discomfort involved.

That’s it.

Awareness of Exquisite Awareness of Awareness of Nothing

Drum Kit Empty But for Potential

Yesterday was a momentous day – did you not feel it? Did the ground beneath you not vibrate even the tiniest?

Did the air not make it easier for you to breath – even if just for a split second?

I am in afterglow.

Until this morning I had not found the words. This morning I read a Facebook post by my friend, Black belt sister, visionary life poet and vocalist extraordinaire Beth Noelle (did I overdo it a bit? GOOD!). Beth shared Nothing’s Gonna Change Your World, the blog post by Riikka Rajamaki and published by http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/03/29/nothings-gonna-change-your-world/

and the rains came and the words poured forth – even before I had finished reading.

Purpose has little to do with society. I’ve been searching for this statement.

I have spent recent time wanting something so badly I could throw up. Wanting something so badly, I was ready to lose myself again. The greatest gift was that I didn’t get it. What I got was exquisite awareness.

After a lifetime of blurred identity; of keeping up. After a lifetime of flinching whenever speaking my own name.

When I let go of the ‘shoulds’, when I agreed to no longer agree. When I stepped into another level of the ‘walk’. When I chose to no longer puppet for someone else’s demons (I’ve plenty of my own, thank you very much!). When I let my eyes close and breath leave me.

Only when I could see nothing in front of me, was there something to see.

Only when I let my self do what, at least for now, I’m here to do was there something to do.

Yesterday I completed creation on The Alchemy of Awareness (The Gift of Intimacy) – Body Awareness.

I completed it just before I sent it out in it’s Week 5 installment to the 13 fearless and generous souls who not only agreed to this trial, but paid me for it!!

While I hope it was brilliant and life-changing, I will not be disappointed if it is not. It is here and here it can blossom. I have come to the realization, without arrogance or defensiveness, that what I shared could not have been received through a degree. The highest caliber schools would have set me on a different path where there is no nothing and the volume is up too high. This I had to come to on my own. This is the value of life.

Lofty, grand words aren’t they? No. They are basic – life in it’s simplest terms. That is what my work is about. Base? Animal? Instinctive? Intelligent? Out of the realm of the cerebral? It is none of those. It is all of those.

For those of you who truly value life – this Bud’s for you. HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.

For those of you who want to explore life on a nothing level – this work is for you. If you haven’t got time – you missed the point.

This is the BE-ing.

No trying. No striving. No DO-ing.

If you want something, go get it – by not. Do the preparation with the intention of expansion. While you prep for this, at what you arrive may look different.

What you need will never be yours until you don’t need it anymore.

Nothing, indeed, is going to change my life.

Thank you, Beth.

 

Awareness of Death

Nia-mark-black

It’s time to go.

This has come to an end.

When I took my White Belt Nia intensive, Denise Medved introduced me to the Mayan calendar. She also gave us, according to our birth dates, our connection to the universe. Mine was the White Planetary World Bridger. To this day it gives me chills. When I went home I did some research and discovered that one of the traits is Death.

There is Death in all things. There must be. Everything and everyone has a shelf life. It would be a horrific mess if this were not the case. Already, we, as a species, want to hang on far longer than is healthy.

I am in the middle of a series of deaths. As are we all.

The direct and immediate upheavals being caused by these deaths in my life have been impossible for me to ignore or even keep in the background.

One that I had been reluctant to address and therefore let go of was teaching Nia.

A year or two ago I spoke words that I knew in my being to be true. Now, I’m being given the opportunity to live those words.

Teaching Nia classes is the beginner’s way into Nia.

It is the beginner’s way for the teacher, as there is hardly a more formidable and satisfying learning experience than guiding others, and classes are a delicious way to introduce potential students to the magic of Nia.

White Belt is not the beginning. Black Belt is. White Belt set up the foundation for me to be able to see, hear, speak, act and choose; to become aware of how I am moving through life. Each subsequent belt gave me more preparation to actually begin this journey.

When asked by a Tae Kwon Do Black belt if I was a master, my response was that I intended to master being a beginner. She smiled and nodded knowingly.

Nia never slaps me in the face. Nia people might, but Nia does not. Here was a mini death that liberated me very early on and once again very recently. Nia is Nia. Nia is not any one person. I do not need to attach to any person to connect to Nia.

I will not support another’s Nia that does not feed us all. And I certainly will not support another’s Nia that divides us.

This divisiveness will kill us in the end.

Slowly. Painfully. Regretfully. But surely.

We are at a crossroads.

We are always at a crossroads.

The red pill? The blue pill?

Awareness of “I” – Knee-Jerk, Habits and Patterns

Titania Fairy Queen Green Nature

Once upon a time

I joined Stone Soup & Lemonade, a women’s group dedicated to personal and professional development.

I went to my first gathering on Sunday. We would be celebrating Earth Day.

About 10 minutes into the agenda I noticed that some of my buttons were being pushed. I immediately went into habitual defensiveness.

So there I was, sitting in discomfort,vacillating  between feeling misunderstood (a very big and heavy piece of baggage for me) and considering how this might possibly have everything to do with how I was receiving the communications.

My body felt restless. Unconsciously I refused to place my feet on the floor. I realized that I felt vulnerable and wanted my knees closer to my abdomen. I let my body do what it was asking to do. Gradually, I felt my body agree to open and relax.

Instead of shutting down, as is my habitual response to believing myself misunderstood, I posed other possibilities to myself.

In not shutting down (completely), I learned the following about myself:

my lack of impeccability and clarity of communication lead to responses disconnected from my intention. In other words, I didn’t say what I really meant and the response, while appropriate was not satisfying. My words and my thoughts were incongruent.

This is one of my patterns. Here’s how it usually works.

I arrive with the Judge reminding me of my inability to verbally communicate with impeccability and clarity in the company of strangers. When I “prove” the Judge right, the Victim chimes in, “See, you did it again and now people think you’re an idiot – hysterical – overemotional. So not fair. Think small and maybe you can disappear. Keep quiet next time.” and the Judge, “If you were really as smart as you’d like to believe, you would be a better verbal communicator. You’re not so you’re not smart.”                                                               And the armor is once again, in place.

After the meeting portion of the gathering, I was scheduled to present my passion. In the past, I let the Judge and the Victim convince me and effectively siphon any Joy I had coming into the situation. On Sunday, even though I still felt the push and pull of being in the middle of a significant shift, once I started to move the Joy flowed.

My awareness had been the antidote.

Staying present helped me to remain open so that Joy did not end up dammed and suffocated.

In retrospect, I am surprised by the amount of energy if took for me not to respond out of habit. I felt as though I was chest-deep in mud trudging forward. Every step, every choice was deliberate out of necessity. If I didn’t place my “feet” mindfully, I would end up sucked down into the pit of vipers that the Judge and Victim provide.

Celebrating Earth Day brought Titania to mind. Earthy chocolate swing pants and a top of flowers and vines seemed appropriate. The sensation of loose hair spilling and swinging around my shoulder blades felt perfect. Another integral part of the shifts, changes and transitions flowing through my life is the evolution of my inner face.

My “inner face” is what I show when I get to wear a costume. Halloween has always been perfect for revealing what I keep hidden.

In my Nia classes until 2 years ago, every Halloween I shared a frightening, dangerous, ugly inner face. 2 years ago she was a reflection of the scary becoming something else, something softer and gentler. She was “witch”, “vampire”, “zombie”, “dead elf,” “dead fairy”, then the “fairy queen” more suited to a Jim Butcher Dresden novel. A year ago and this past Halloween, she continued into this new identification. She – I still didn’t have a name. On Sunday the connection was to Titania and I felt downright beautiful and richly inspired.

Vulnerability surrounding me like deceptively delicate fairy wings, I managed to hang onto the inspiration that brought me the Earth Day playlists and my love for delivering Nia and dance. Knowing that I had caught a glimpse of what could create a far more satisfying and rewarding way to share what I love, I felt my feet on the ground. Quiet. Certain. Relieved. Happy.

And lived happily ever after.

Waaahahahahahahahah!

Until the next wave in this transition surge arrives to rattle my cage.

Thank you to the lovely, authentic women who shared this time and space. I am grateful.