I am responsible for everything I want.

After a conversation with a friend in which I spent a good portion of it complaining and venting about what was lacking and what I wanted and needed, I didn’t feel good.

My body felt restless and itchy and my heart felt cranky.

I’m looking back on what I voiced desire for.

I am not in control of everything – nor do I have a desire to be. This means that if I want something I am not in control of, I may not get it. So I don’t get what I want or think I want right now.

What other direction can I take? To want what I can have?

Somebody isn’t doing what I want them to do so I can get what I want. I’m not going to change them.

What else can I do? In what other ways can I get what I want?

Agility. Adaptability. Creativity.

I want freedom from the fear of having to do “something” to survive and give up what I love.

I’ve heard enough that the thing I can’t wait to get out of bed for should probably just be a hobby or that I should “try” and build it on my off-time from a full-time “real” job.

This may all very well be true but I know what I’m like when I’m working to live and I don’t love my work. This is only point at which I’m interested in entering the ‘meaning of life’ conversation. I don’t buy the idea that my being an admin assistant will bring anything of worth to the world. There is no meaning to me in being an admin assistant. We’re back to square pegs and round holes. Living my life for someone else to have their dream. Putting my dreams aside serves nothing. There is no “greater good” in the sacrifice of Spirit self. This is not community. What is the “greater good” here? Assured conformity. Reinforcing the social constructs that keep us locked in external expectation.

There is Freedom in Responsibility.

I am responsible for everything I want.