Just yesterday I was finally able to put into words my intention for the 28-Day Challenge in which I am participating.
Can you believe that I did not list dance as one of the steps I planned to take?!
This morning after my movement practice I received a revelation in perfectly alignment with my intention to De-Clutter.
The rest of this post I am writing in real time – as I am going through the experience.
The money issues I have around dedicating my life to the practice and sharing of Nia and the elements that comprise Movement Alchemy aren’t mine. I have been living with them and acting as though they are mine but they are not. I have been aware of this inner conflict for a very long time, but I never brought it out into the light.
This concept centers around the following beliefs:
1- that there’s not enough money
2- I will never make back what I invested to learn, grow and blossom
3- Every class and event plan begins with “how much can I make?”
4- I can only live by getting a “real” job
As I made this list, it was so easy to slip back into that dark place of scarcity, guilt, shame and obligation.
What I truly know to be true and my body gives me tickles of agreement:
1- there is plenty of money and I have something of value to offer
2- key word investment; I have invested and continue to invest in my professional and personal development and this provides me with more to offer
3- as long as I am hesitant to put myself fully out there unless the money is right, then yea, I will surely never recycle my investment
4- My father left the country in which he spent the first 40 years of his life to start a new life doing what he was passionate about. He had no friends (except for his wife), no contacts, a 4-year old, little money and imperfect English. He taught me that if I want something badly enough, I’ll do what I have to do. (Unfortunately before I learned that, he taught me all kinds of horrible things that have helped me to sabotage my success. Since most of those things aren’t mine either, they will be part of the work I’m doing here as well.)
My body is giving me happy sensations as I roll this shift through my consciousness. All of a sudden I have an expansiveness lightness in my chest that is so new I can’t quite sort out the words that are pouring through my mind to describe it any further. Perhaps before I’ve finished this post, I can revisit and give more clarity.
I’m also noticing a bit of a without-a-net sensation as well. Fear and tears are close. Now what? Trust myself? Oh, shit.
These ideas did not serve me and even kept me from moving forward, but the empty space that has been left by this concept is not altogether comfortable. There was a structure and now there isn’t. I agreed to a concept that did not belong to me; not only that, I agreed to a concept that is in direct conflict with my value system. This concept is grounded in scarcity and my nature is to think, feel and move in abundance.
Ok, now I’m excited!
What are my practical values concerning money? On this topic I have rarely taken the time to investigate. The following considerations are undeveloped and subject to adjustment…
1- It is important to support local and small business and the people who are building them.
I recently had the honor of participating in a “Night IN” with a community of women who dance with Nia Black belt Jill Campana at her Sacred Space Studio in Hubertus, Wisconsin. It was an incredibly nourishing experience. There I met Anita Gulotta-Connelly, a certified professional Life Coach who is building her business, Dreams Realized Here! Anita spoke passionately about her desire to have a directory on her website of businesses that which she has personal experience and would recommend – businesses with faces.
At the end of last year I had this very conversation with a couple of friends and we even talked about creating an event around this concept. Needless to say, Anita and I had a lot to talk about and we are letting this alignment unfold.
2- The words, “sliding scale” bring more lightness to my being!
Jill and other Nia teachers have expressed their principle that no one should be denied a Nia class due to insufficient funds. This resonates deeply with me.
In the future, as I’m planning classes, workshops, online course offerings, I get to bring my value system into the process.
For now, I’m going to move this discovery in my Nia practice as well as my improv work. I’m gonna tap on it and I will stay present to how my words and actions match or are incongruent.
4 thoughts on “Living from the Place of “I””
Whew. Wow. Sheesh. Holy shit. Right on girlfriend. I commend you. I support you. Lots of things percolating in me — many of them due to my conversations in person and via email/Facebook with you. Unfolding, enfolding, doing, undoing, spiraling into, spiraling out of. Being. I love you.
Yea, Baby! Beautifully said. Surrounding you with love, support and encouragement. Endless gratitude for this connection. xx
Beautiful Catherine. Courageous, True and Conscious! Thank you for sharing!! I wish you the best on your journey~
Thank you, Kate!